Song Title: The TurboTax Rap


Click Here to download the MP3 file for The TurboTax Rap

NOTE: I wrote this song in 2007 for the contest by TurboTax, where they offered prizes for the best music video raps about using TurboTax tax perparation software.

The TurboTax Rap

Verse 1:
It's April 15th
and my taxes are due
feels like I'm having some sorta
financial deja vu

Got boxes of receipts
piled up high on my desk
tryin' to decipher regulations
that are oh so Kafkaesque

Some things they are taxable
and some things they are not
in the end they try to take
everything that you got

My concentration starts to crumble
like an off-topic forum thread
and bunch of random questions
soon pop into my head

Like for people who are blind
do they make the forms in braille? and if I don't pay the IRS
will they throw me in jail?

But enough of this silliness
time to start the number crunchin'
one more sign I'm a slave
to the time clock we're all punchin'

Chorus:
How I hate to do my taxes
all those forms so complicated
the IRS must be an agency
that the Devil created

Inflicting mathematical torture
and emotional pain
like getting poked with a needle
when they can't find a vein

Each year I go to hell and back
don't wanna make that trip anymore
sometimes I win the battle
but I can't win the war

'Cause nothing sucks as bad
as doing your income taxes
it's even worse than root canals
and bikini waxes

Verse 2:
Do I put a pen to paper
or file it online?
donate to the election fund
or should I decline

Like a lost ship adrift
on a sea of regulations
I try to find my way through
the haze of endless calculations

Then out of the darkness
shines a beam of light
some automated software
to help me win this fight

It goes by the kickass name
of TurboTax
says it will take my deductions
all the way to the max

Then with the click of a mouse
it's all filed and done
with precision and accuracy
like a sniper's gun

I know I'll do it all again
in another year
but with TurboTax in my corner
I'll have nothing to fear

So bring it on
Mr. Taxman at the IRS
no longer over you
will I toil and obsess

Now the power has shifted
I've gone and taken charge
like my man Vanilla Ice
it's time to start livin' large

Chorus:
It's no longer such a chore
each year to do my taxes
while the computer does the work
my brain sits back and relaxes

Can't imagine life before
I started using TurboTax
must have let a million deductions
slip right through the cracks

Now it's actually kinda fun
to sit down and do my taxes
like how women love their shoes
and lumberjacks love their axes

So take control of this game
roll like a big financial player
when you get your refund check
you'll be one happy taxpayer

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